Gentle giant turns 6

We had a big birthday in the house yesterday!!! Jeremiah turned 6 and was surrounded by all things J!!! He woke us up at 3 am.... Ready to party. The funny thing is that he was born at 3 am. ;) here are some pictures if our day ! Thank you for all the calls, cards, & prayers!

Hide and seek

I never really liked hide and seek... I was always afraid noone would want to find me...pretty sad, but true. One of the big root lies I have battled with in my life is that I am forgettable...

Maybe that's why I like the Nat King Cole song so much... Because the day I discovered this was not the truth was a truly freeing moment to me...

So why am I sharing this? Because as a mom, as a wife, as a person we spend much of our day doing ordinary, mundane things...or if you are me you spend the day procrastinating them! 

Laundry, vacuuming, wiping down fingerprint covered walls...planning meals, thinking about friends you wish you could see...all of this takes place, but who notices? Does it matter? 

Does it matter if you eat right...no one notices anyway? Does it matter is you exercise? No one will notice...if I clean up this Barbie doll accessory explosion... Will anyone care?

The short answer... Yes!

The longer answer Yes! 

So why don't we feel it? For me it's my root lie...it was whispered to me as a child in a broken moment...

for you it could have happened somewhere else.

We often spend our life trying to convince this lie it's not true... But the truth is you CANT convince a lie it's not true...

WHAT?

Yes you can't...

So what do you do? You reject it, instead of letting it reject you! You renounce it by accepting the truth...you replace it with the truth...

SURRENDER...

The hardest part about this? For me personally it's letting the lie go. We get comfortable with it...it's a great scape goat when we struggle...

But you were made for more... You were made for freedom... We were not created to be slaves, but to be free! As it says in scripture...where the Spirit of The Lord is... There is Freedom...

And you may be broken. You may have lived your life believing a lie. But you are NOT forgettable, replaceable, or invisible. 

One day in the Kitchen after cleaning the millionth toy explosion of the day I yelled out.."does anyone see or care what I do?" 

And in the small quiet inner chamber of my heart I heard a small voice say in a big way. "I do" " I see you". 

That day I realized I am not forgettable...because the fact that I walk, live , breath, and love is because I am remembered every moment and loved ...

Do I live this perfectly... Sadly , no. But I'm a fighter... And I have hope... Which I want to share with you...

So if this is something you struggle with... If you want to know you are loved and remembered...than I am here to tell you today...

You are!!!!!

What you do matters...who you are matters...how you love matters.... So do the best you can... And strive for Freedom!

Old Mirrors

How many of you love mirrors in a dressing room? How many of you have looked at your reflection and loathed what you saw... a wrinkle, a blemish, a stretch mark, etc.... The list can go on. How many wish they could look in the mirror and be thankful for their reflection? How many are afraid of that freedom?

It's the start if the new year...time for resolutions.  You know, the wishes we make for things that we think will fix everything and make us happy.  To lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, pray more, yell less...

(ok...so now that you know mine, LOL )

These are all great ideals...and all possible. But first we must look past the dressing room mirror...turn off the negative tape...and seek the truth about who we are so that our resolutions lead us to a greater freedom...not a greater feeling of defeat if we are not perfect. 

This past Christmas I was incredibly blessed to receive a very generous gift from the founding coach of Team Courage...the big team of coaches that I am blessed and honored to be a part of. The crazy and funny part about it is that I have discovered the greatest part of the blessing was not the $ given (although that was tremendous and helpful), but rather the affirmation that came from someone I look to as an example to me if a loving wife, mother, and coach who is passionately set in changing lives...and on that day she helped change mine. 

The amazing thing is that she is one if many beautiful women and men who I have watched teach others how to find freedom, face challenges, and overcome obstacles. Not through a magic formula, not a miracle pill or plan, but through affirming gifts and encouraging others to pushing past their comfort zone.

My coach stepped out of her comfort zone a little over a year ago and it changed my life. It challenged me to look past the mirror, to listen for the truth found in the affirmation of others, and to reject the lies we have been told about ourselves, or the ones we tell ourselves daily...

What she has shown inspired me to step out...to begin my journey... To conquer my addictions to food and my hatred of my body... I truly have embraced great freedom this past year in regards to eating and feeling good in my own skin.

But something is up... There is still some junk there to clean out...

So today I am going to step out of my comfort zone big time...not looking for a pity party...I'm not looking back with regrets...but I am looking back...searching within to find the source of the lies that still creep in. 

Because the truth is affirmation and support are incredible gifts...but our truth and worth lie even deeper than that...and in order to truly embrace that truth we have to clean house :). Purge the lies, heal the wounds, and make room for the light. And we CANT do this alone. 

I can tell myself 100 times a day..."you are a good wife and mom", my husband can do the same...but if I'm not connected to the source that provides the grace to do that...then I might say it but I won't believe it! Why? For the same

 reason we struggle with anything...

We can't put our trust in earthly things...because our bodies are a vessel that carries a precious soul. 

We are supposed to nourish both...so these next 90 days as I conquer p90x3 and try to tone up and get healthy physically...I am also going on a journey to tone up and get healthy mentally and spiritually! 

Not alone... 
With the support of my husband  & family. 
With the kindness and guidance of friends, priests, and wise teachers to guide...
The accountability and support of my challenge groups to keep going...and their stories to inspire me...

I have dealt with many things in my life, but if I want to help others find the true freedom in knowing and believing you are loved...I need to continue to seek it myself.

And as I do this I would like to share my journey with you. The things I learn along the way...so that you can hopefully be inspired to dig deep on the inside and find that freedom too!

There is no shame in bringing our wounds to the light...for it is there that they can be healed...not in the darkness!

And in the meantime the affirmation , encouragement, and support if those around us help carry us through until we find that place, that Grace, that deeper relationship with our Creator where we tune in...quiet down...hear the truth...and live in it. Join me on this journey...step out if your comfort zone...what's lurking inside that needs to come out?

Make a plan...

Find Support...

Smash that old mirror :)

A year ago...

It's hard to believe that a year ago the hubs and I decided to get Insanity as a Christmas gift to us...we were going to get in the best shape of our lives....I was going to fit into my clothes again...he was going to kickstart his training again...

The day it arrived, we ripped it open, put in the fit test and hit the ground running...literally...

Running, jumping, mountain climbing, switch kicking... And then for me throwing up...(I hope that wasn't too much information!)

So it was going to be harder than I thought... 

We traveled at Christmas and decided to start over in January...you know, New Years Resolutions?

I have to laugh now...because I remember the workouts with my kids on the floor doing mountain climbers with us...we looked insane! But we started a journey!

Today I look back and smile...as crazy as it was that was a stepping stone that got me moving in a great direction!

It's the holidays...the season of giving, of parties, of celebration. For me it has been a time of mixed emotion. 

Joy celebrated in my family. Little stresses carried from my past. All these things led to emotional eating, negative self thought, downward spiraling of stress...

January's resolutions were my chance to try again. But my inner perfectionist would never let enough be enough... 

Until I started...pushing myself past my comfort zone, asking myself why I wanted to change, praying for the grace to surrender the lies, and being ok with not always being ok. 

A year ago I was taking a big step that has gotten me here. Where is here?

Here is a place where I let myself be real when things are tough. 

Here is the place where "joy and sorrow can sit at the same table". 

Here is a place if healing and freedom especially with the emotional eating and negative self thought. 

Here is a place of healing in the present moment...

And it all started with insanity...not so much the program... Rather the idea...I was going to change my body so that I would feel better...

But the funny thing is my heart changed first... Because I let go of the fears, I found a support system that walks with me through the struggles, and I stepped out of my comfort zone to share with others in the hope that I might offer them the same opportunity to find freedom.

It's a daily surrender... Not to change who we are... Rather to let go if all our lies that others have told us, or that we have told ourselves...and find freedom in the truth. The truth in knowing we are a gift...our life is a gift ....and what we do with it is meant to be an offering to the giver...

Where are you in your journey? Are you trapped in the comfort zone? Are you afraid to step out? My prayer for you is that you take that step... You make that leap... That is where the freedom is!

It's time.....

It's time...
To slow down....there has been such a rush to get to Christmas....to get the day here....and NO this is not bad at all...because what we are waiting to celebrate is a fantastic event! A Birthday that forever changed the world....A day where families travel and gather and embrace one another...a morning when children rush to see what surprises await them....a great day...
But what do we do until then...how do we wait? How are we to enjoy the days that lead up to Christmas? How are we to be patient?
For some it's a tough time...a time of seasonal blues...a time a sad memories....or stressful emotional memories...so the holidays becomes time of anxiety and depression...a time of loneliness....this is so sad to hear...
But honestly of we don't slow down we can all be there....rushing through....and then the let down when it's over....
So what do we do?

It's time....
Time to give thanks....gratitude is not just a virtue for Thanksgiving....it's a virtue of the season....if we give thanks...if we inhale the beauty of the moments and hold it in...savor the taste in our memory a little while then we can find the place inside that slows down and enjoys the present moment....
We tend to rush....now it's time to be patient...yes even in the midst of all the parties, present shopping, decorating, packing, traveling, card addressing, baking, etc.....
Just making that list made my heart race!

It's time to GIVE...not just presents....give more love, more hope, more peace, more forgiveness, mores time....to our families, to our friends...most importantly to our creator....

How will we do this?

How will you do this?

What is your plan....what will lead you up to Christmas? What will fill you will enough joy to start out 2014 with joy & hope rather than a list of negatives to improve?

When we got married I remember registering for gifts...and one day we met with the priest and he said....what do you want as a wedding gift from God? What blessing do you want?

What gift do you need that can't be bought in the store? Ask for that...wait for that...prepare your heart for that...whatever it is....health, healing, peace, love, joy....freedom....

It is time to wait, to ask....and to prepare to receive the greatest gift of all...Love Incarnate....on December 25th....

Don't wait for it....start now...it is time to slow down...to prepare...to savor...to enjoy!

Starting over...

I somewhat agree with this quote... But I wanted to take a moment to clarify the difference from starting new and starting over! I think that the way we see our mistakes and choices greatly affects the way we see our success & victory!

So I have to confess... I did it! Guilty as charged! I enjoyed the turkey and sweet potatoes! The chocolate pecan pie and magic cookie bars!  The leftovers...

I enjoyed them all! I fell off the workout wagon... I did exercise! But not as much as I would have liked...

I didn't drink enough water... Or say no to seconds...

I'm guilty... My tummy feels it...but guess what...

I am not starting over!

What?

Yes I am not starting over.... Ok so does this mean I quit? NO!

It means that I fell off the path and now I am getting back in track. I don't have to go back to start. This isn't a game of sorry where I am bumped out of place and have to start over... Because thankfully I have been working hard these past 6 months to make life long lasting change... And so I am continuing my journey... Not starting over. 

Do you see the difference? Starting over is for those who quit and undo all their progress... You cant do that in one long weekend.... 

Yes you can do some damage ;) but you can't completely debunk how far you have come! So start new... Yes. Start over No... At least not from the beginning...

Because you are in a different place... You are moving forward!

Now we can either allow this to cause a spiral... Or we can make a plan...

.I need a plan. A realistic plan or else I can end up falling off the wagon a lot in the upcoming days...so what's the plan? Stay tuned! I will share a survive & enjoy the holidays post soon! Have a Blessed day!

Be Foolish...

What? Be foolish? Yes that is exactly what I said... Maybe I should clarify what I mean!

This past weekend I was blessed to attend an event we hold here in Cincy called Encounter. It is an opportunity for the Youth to come and worship God with  dynamic speakers & pretty great music :). 

Last night in the midst of many blessings one of our leaders, a seminarian Ethan shared a powerful challenge. When Christ called Peter to step out onto the water...Peter said in faith... Command me Lord & I will do it...

To anyone in our current time, whenever we are challenged to grow, to step out in faith there is a fear that holds us back...we don't want to look like a fool. 

We doubt, we sink as Peter began to... And often when we sink we focus in the failure...and feel ashamed, defeated, embarrassed... We feel foolish. 

I have to confess, I really struggle with this. I don't want to be seen as a fool, as crazy... And in our world being a happily married woman of 5 children....sometimes I feel foolish. Because I sink, when I loose my patience with my children. When I get frustrated with my husband. When I overbook my days and can't keep up with my housework. When it's 4:30 and I have no idea what is for dinner. When my daughter brings home a bad grade. When my son decides to do his business outside of church. When things don't look pretty...I feel foolish. 

What happens when we give into that feeling? Pride creeps in and we try to be our own savior. We try to fix the "problem". We parent from our insecurity. We speak to our spouse out of our insecurity and fear. We tear ourselves up on the inside. 

Then we build a wall around our heart. A cocoon to protect us from what everyone thinks. And the funny thing is that usually the only one thinking all these negative and shameful thoughts... Is us. 

So what do we do? We are sinking. What do we do? We are suffocating? How do we breathe? 

Look at Peter. The king of foot in mouth. The one The Lord chose to lead. The one The Lord praised and then called Satan...the one who sank. What does he do? 

"Lord Command me and I will come"...he asks The Lord to call him, he steps out in faith, he begins to sink, he cries for help... And The Lord does not rebuke...he reaches out to him...he lifts him up...

I need to ask The Lord to command me... To help me...to lead me...to guide me. To align my will with his... To let go of my fear. To be a fool for Christ...rather than feel foolish in my shame!

There is freedom in this surrender. And last night I experienced such a freedom. The Lord calls us to greatness...he calls us to humility. He calls us to see the things that shame tells us are failures and instead ask him to meet us in the midst of that sinking moment...and lift us up. 

So I ask you to consider...where do you need to be lifted up? Where in your life do you need to call out to Christ. Don't 

Be afraid...he is waiting...