Life is a Battlefield....

6 months after having baby # 5 I felt stuck...I could not lose the baby weight, I did not like how I looked...or felt. I was tired, I was worn down, I felt defeated.

I always told myself....I'm not an athlete...it was to give myself an out...just in case I failed...

I have been self conscious my whole life, insecure, fearful and anxious when it came to me...

I love to be with others, to help others, to be with my husband and children. To spend time with Family and friends...but i am a little uncomfortable in my own skin...

I saw a friend of mine, a fellow mom with 5 kids, share about doing a program called Insanity...I was. Intrigued how a mom of 5 could find time to workout...but I thought...if she can do it...maybe I can too?

Courtney and I ordered Insanity in December of this last year...the day we took the fit test I immediately threw up....not because of how hard it was (it was hard!) but rather because we got round 1 of the stomach flu....once it passed through and Christmas had passed...we started over...

Round 2...I was excited to see results....I was still carrying 20 pounds of baby weight...and I pushed myself through the workouts....I struggled to do them each day...we did the best we could...but in the end I didn't finish strong...I deleted my before and after photos...I quit...I felt defeated and stuck... i told myself..."after all these programs just don't work for me."

What a bad attitude! Why did I feel this way? Most people would look at pictures and say I looked great...that its ridiculous that I think I need to lose weight...but you see it was much deeper...it's not about the scale. The inches. The weight....it's about the heart...the soul...

In May, after dieting, and weighing myself, and binging, and getting depressed I decided something needed to change. I reached out to that same friend again...and I joined in one of her 10 day challenges...it was exciting to be in a group where we hold one another accountable, to fitness, nutrition, and life...

I saw great results in 10 days...but even more...I saw other beautiful women and men sharing their story and inspiring me to discover my why....why am I doing this? What am I looking for? What is driving me? Why do I care? What am I afraid of?

July 1st, I started my first 90 day challenge, and I chose Les Mills Combat as the program...the advertisements talk about being in the battle, on the front lines....

I struggled. I pushed, I kicked, I prayed....and I finished....

60 days ,later I have seen great results..I am down 3.7 lbs. and 9.25 inches...

But even more....I know my why...My why is the freedom...and I am battling for it...to own it and pass it on to my children. I don't want to fear failure, I don't want to fear success. 

My why is: to live knowing I am loved and embracing that gift. Participating in these challenges, setting goals, sharing my story & hearing others has brought me to a new place....rather than seeing it all as a competition...I am seeing it all as opportunity to grow ...

We are all beautiful, and broken. We have much to overcome. But in the midst we are loved...that cannot be forgotten. If it is than all of this is in vain.

I am getting fit on the outside, but I am also healing on the inside...

Courtney and I are a team, he is my number one support, and without him I would have quite...but with his support and lots of graces and great community I did it...and I will keep going...to finish this 90 day...and to complete others...

I have also been blessed with a great friend who inspired me with her vulnerability, and challenges me to push myself to new limits!
So that is part one of my story....thanks for taking the time to listen....

Now ask yourself...what is your why? What drives you? What is God calling you to embrace? I feel called to embrace this life of faith, family & fitness. And through that to experience Freedom in the Gift....