My Insane battle with fitness....

This past Christmas my wife asked me if I would do Insanity with her...I was reluctant, but for her I decided to give it a go...

I must admit, working out indoors is tough....my gym is outdoors....but that was not the hardest part for me...
The most challenging part was working out with someone else near me...who wanted to have a conversation...for any athlete if you can talk than you are not working hard enough!

I know there are times when it is easy and you can talk...but, man, to the whole time.....

My wife would ask me a question that required thought and attention to detail that did not pertain in the least to working out...For instance, "what color should we pain the girls room?" What kind of question is that during an intense workout like insanity?
"I don't know, whatever color of the carpet because my face is planted on it...."

Working out is the only time I can focus on a task and accomplish it and not be bothered by anything else. This was awkward at first, but I enjoyed having my wife next to me and helping her achieve a goal.

Insanity was hard for us to stay with, and we really did not change our diet so the weight did not shed quickly, but I did begin to build muscle. However I noticed because of my travel that I was eating very poorly...with a lot of stops at fast food restaurants...

Don't get me wrong...I enjoy these places...until I begin to think about what I am really putting into my body...it's not the most nutrient dense food.

I started to look for shake meal replacements...I am not the slim fast or drink your way to health kind of guy., but since I am on the road a lot I thought it would be a better alternative.

Well the stuff I bought was straight up nasty...honey didn't even make it better...so I went right back into eating whatever...

Shakeology at this time did not seem reasonable because of the price...

A few months later my wife talked to me about doing Les Mills Combat and a 90 day challenge.  I was reluctant at first because it was indoors and my goal of an iron man one day was fading...how could this help me get back into triathlons?

I started doing it and immediately enjoyed it! It brought me back to the days when I was He-Man & the Ninja Turtles! I Amos ready now to take on any MMA guy...just kidding....
Seriously though I really like the mix up do cardio and strengths training. A friend asked ,e why I liked this program, and being indoors....

I have 3 reasons...

1. I was able to enjoy it with my wife and watch her progress
2. I could see myself getting stronger and back into shape, which allowed me to smoke goals within the workout. (Example...making it through round 1 without stopping, or kicking higher and being more flexible)
3. When you train for MMA the mix of outdoor running and indoor is suited for this sports specific thing. My running became part of this program...where with Insanity it did not.

Also as part of this challenge I started on Shakeology...

After drinking shakeology 3 benefits happened...
1. My cravings for things like sugar, sodas, more coffee & sweet tea decreased
2. I felt full with fruit additions for two and a half to three hours...
3. I am able to go the route of nutrient dense foods in order to fuel my body for training.

I am not the guy to weigh food and count calories...rather I see food as fuel for the body and shakeology gives me ample amount of the nutrients that are missing from my daily intake...thereby satisfying and fueling my body...leading to a decrease in my portions.

I started three weeks ago to train for a half marathon...

It started out rough...but the Combat program and Shakeology gave me a strong enough base to start....I have to admit, I missed training for a race, and the feeling of training hard.  The real reason I get amped is because when I train I feel Gods pleasure (to quote Eric Lidell in Chariots of Fire)  I know he is with me in training and I know my family is as well.  I was only ever able to finish my half marathons because I would think of my wife, daughters, and sons...and the gift of Gods life to us...

My crown is not in the victory, but in the journey to the crown of eternal life.

My daughter asked me why I run...I run for HIM...I run for Mommy, I run for you and your brothers and sister...
I run because I can...
I run because it helps me to be a better man, son, husband, father...

The day that exercise & fitness stop doing that than I will stop because it would only be for me...and not for the good of my family and the glory of GOD.

I am thankful for my wife, for her pushing me to get started again. I am proud of her commitment and her gift of self she makes to our children and me every day.  I am thankful for the gift of my children and their funny comments as my wife and I work out!

I am very thankful for my parents and there constant help & support to me and my family.

I am most of all grateful for the gift of God and his life poured out for us, he loved us into existance and we are able to give because he gave himself first...

As I continue to train I will embrace the gift of life, I will embrace the times I feel awesome (when a 6 minute mile feels like a 9)...I will embrace the hard times (when I am injured and have to rest out)...

I will embrace EVERY moment as a gift for His greater GLORY!
AMDG,

Courtney

Never sacrifice the gift....Courtney's Story...part 1

My story begins when I was born....Just kidding!

Eight years ago I was about 35 pounds overweight and I was eating dinner. My wife is a great cook and I decided to have another serving of her delicious food...
As I made my way to the Kitchen my beautiful bride asked me a question...you know what that she already has the answer too....
"What are you doing?"
Sensing a bit of concern in the statement I responded with great joy and innocence.."I am getting more....

As I sat down my wife then tells me what is on her mind...that I am not healthy, that she is worried about my health...

My fork dropped...I was stunned..it dawned on me that her question was actually a lead in to this conversation that had been weighing on her heart...and me being the humble man I am explained.."I have gained weight because of your great food" (anyone who knows me and knows the ice cream story, understands that that I have a way with words...)....Besides a bigger me means more of you to love..."
Ok so I am kidding, maybe...
What really happened is I became defensive and started to make excuses saying...

I don't have time

I am not going to a gym, I hate to exercise inside

If I go to the gym all I do is lift a bunch of stupid dumbells, in order to look good...I already look good!

You will hate that I am not home!!!

The truth is that my wife was...right. I needed to get back into physical shape. I had one of those alien sicknesses that would not go away for 6 weeks. I had been in and out of the hospital twice.  I even had a spinal tap...

It was not a coincidance that a few days later a friend of mine asked me to do a Triathlon with him...He needed help on the swim and asked my help.
I have been a swimmer my whole life...I was pretty good too...but I missed national qualifications for five events by seconds and quit my senior year, never to touch competitive swimming again.

Therefor I immediately gave out a ton of excuses...you know...not enough time...I am too out of shape. (yet secretly I really wanted to...I had been wanting to do a Triathlon since high school) Thankfully my friend is really good at getting you pumped up...and he convince me to start training! Thanks Randy!

I am type A....so I bought a book, and began to train hard.  Within a week I was hooked. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed training...and pushing myself...
I also remembered how muchI loved the exhausted feeling after a workout...my friend thought it was crazy to see someone so pumped up about being tired...

The reality is I knew Why I was training...to attain a goal and pursue something that was beyond the immediate pain..

Before I knew it I began to set goals...to finish in the top 10, the top 3, to qualify for nationals...and I nailed each goal...

Then I decided I wanted to become pro...about that time we had our 3rd child...life with 3 was tough...all blessing...but tough... I slowly declined in my training...I went from 12-14 hours a week to 6-8...
Fast forward a few years...we had baby #4...and moved to Cincinnati...
I had only done 2 races in the past 3 years...at one I placed first in the Female Category...The other I got the flu the week before...and then we had record lows in temp....and I'm from the south...you picture the result...hypothermia...

When baby # 5 was born I was lucky to get in 3 hours of training a week.

So here we are 2013...In January I was up to a beastly 205...Ok maybe more like a puffy 205...

I was overweight for my height...and my metabolism was on the decline...Kelley had been begging me to start training again, and I kept throwing excuses at her.
NO time
NO Money

She responded..."just do a race to finish..."

The problem is I am too competitive for that ...I cannot just jump in a race and not compete...I am not a sore loser...I just want to give it everything I got...

At this time I felt as if I did not have a lot to give...

I live by this quote by Pre-Fontaine..."to not do your best is to sacrifice the gift" I leave nothing on the table...and the reason I do is because of our God who did the same thing for humanity....

My wife, my family leave give me so much...and I do the same for them...

Its not a fear of failure...its more the disappointment of falling out of the habit again...

You can't stop something you never start... 

So I started....

Stay tuned for the Insane journey in Part 2

When the infection comes back...

We had a little relapse in G's ear this week. The difference this time is that she immediately came to me. She trusted me through the pain of draining it, and she had faithfully taken her medicine and kept it clean...

So why am I sharing this with you? Because once again through the experiences of life and being a mother, I was taught a deeper lesson and wanted to share it with you...

What do we do when the infection comes back? When we fail at a task? When we make a repeated mistake?

What do we do when we struggle to overcome a bad habit? When we miss a goal? When we don't follow through?

My daughter taught me the beauty of humility. She could have hid in shame that it came back...she could have been angry with me and blamed me because she was afraid...she could have screamed and yelled as I helped clean the wound...

But she did not. She humbly came to me with tears in her eyes and asked for help...

That is what we need to do. When we fall, we need to pick ourselves up and start over...

If we can't get up...ask for the grace. 

And instead of trying to do it all alone, we need to ask our Loving Father to guide us. 

When the infection comes back we need to take the lies running through our head and tell them to God, and ask him to take them away...and speak to us the truth...

We are not alone...

We are loved...

We are worthy of that Love...

To conquer an obstacle takes time...a bad habit...a wound...

Even when it's something as simple as daily eating, exercise, daily prayer. Or the way we talk, what we believe about ourselves, what we see on the mirror. 

We can look in the mirror and tell ourselves positive things...or we can go to our creator, humbly, with tears on our eyes and ask to be cleaned up... From the inside out. 

Once again I am thankful for the holiness of my children...and I pass this into you to let you know there is a Divine Physician waiting...you don't have to make an appointment...he is always on call...

And he doesn't judge or punish when the infections come back.... He loves and heals one layer at a time. 

Life is a Battlefield....

6 months after having baby # 5 I felt stuck...I could not lose the baby weight, I did not like how I looked...or felt. I was tired, I was worn down, I felt defeated.

I always told myself....I'm not an athlete...it was to give myself an out...just in case I failed...

I have been self conscious my whole life, insecure, fearful and anxious when it came to me...

I love to be with others, to help others, to be with my husband and children. To spend time with Family and friends...but i am a little uncomfortable in my own skin...

I saw a friend of mine, a fellow mom with 5 kids, share about doing a program called Insanity...I was. Intrigued how a mom of 5 could find time to workout...but I thought...if she can do it...maybe I can too?

Courtney and I ordered Insanity in December of this last year...the day we took the fit test I immediately threw up....not because of how hard it was (it was hard!) but rather because we got round 1 of the stomach flu....once it passed through and Christmas had passed...we started over...

Round 2...I was excited to see results....I was still carrying 20 pounds of baby weight...and I pushed myself through the workouts....I struggled to do them each day...we did the best we could...but in the end I didn't finish strong...I deleted my before and after photos...I quit...I felt defeated and stuck... i told myself..."after all these programs just don't work for me."

What a bad attitude! Why did I feel this way? Most people would look at pictures and say I looked great...that its ridiculous that I think I need to lose weight...but you see it was much deeper...it's not about the scale. The inches. The weight....it's about the heart...the soul...

In May, after dieting, and weighing myself, and binging, and getting depressed I decided something needed to change. I reached out to that same friend again...and I joined in one of her 10 day challenges...it was exciting to be in a group where we hold one another accountable, to fitness, nutrition, and life...

I saw great results in 10 days...but even more...I saw other beautiful women and men sharing their story and inspiring me to discover my why....why am I doing this? What am I looking for? What is driving me? Why do I care? What am I afraid of?

July 1st, I started my first 90 day challenge, and I chose Les Mills Combat as the program...the advertisements talk about being in the battle, on the front lines....

I struggled. I pushed, I kicked, I prayed....and I finished....

60 days ,later I have seen great results..I am down 3.7 lbs. and 9.25 inches...

But even more....I know my why...My why is the freedom...and I am battling for it...to own it and pass it on to my children. I don't want to fear failure, I don't want to fear success. 

My why is: to live knowing I am loved and embracing that gift. Participating in these challenges, setting goals, sharing my story & hearing others has brought me to a new place....rather than seeing it all as a competition...I am seeing it all as opportunity to grow ...

We are all beautiful, and broken. We have much to overcome. But in the midst we are loved...that cannot be forgotten. If it is than all of this is in vain.

I am getting fit on the outside, but I am also healing on the inside...

Courtney and I are a team, he is my number one support, and without him I would have quite...but with his support and lots of graces and great community I did it...and I will keep going...to finish this 90 day...and to complete others...

I have also been blessed with a great friend who inspired me with her vulnerability, and challenges me to push myself to new limits!
So that is part one of my story....thanks for taking the time to listen....

Now ask yourself...what is your why? What drives you? What is God calling you to embrace? I feel called to embrace this life of faith, family & fitness. And through that to experience Freedom in the Gift....

Our finished product...

Here we are! All done:). Now we are spending the day enjoying... Thanks DAD!

A Sincere Gift...

Labor Day weekend is commonly an attempt for many to get in one final vacay... Or regroup a bit from the busy first weeks of school...but here in the Brown house the hubs had decided to make it a Honey Do weekend...

Pope John Paul  II said "Man cannot know himself, unless he makes a sincere gift of himself". This quote is foundational to life, to success, to holiness, and to happiness...and I see it embodied in the gift my husband is to me and our family. 

He gives of himself selflessly...as did our friends this weekend who gathered to cut, prime, & paint our boys room...and the work is still not done...he still is working so hard to make our home a place where each if us feels comfortable, safe, and secure...

As my children see this work... I pray they see their DAD, and how much he loves them, and sacrifices for them... This Labor Day weekend to labor for us. 

How can we be a sincere gift? How can we know ourself? 

I challenge you to take some time and reflect on those who give of themselves freely... And pray for the grace to do that yourself...

No strings attached...

There is freedom in the gift...

Thank you Courtney Brown!

Baby Steps

Once again in our family we have a walker...the 5th time through and it still as adorable, amazing, and exciting as ever....

It starts with 4 steps...then 8...and soon running....

I think this event touches a deeper part in every human heart...one worth reflecting on...

Yesterday I shared about the need to let the infection out. To face those fears and hurts that we often bury deep inside.

Yet once we let it out are we automatically better? Sometimes...but not usually...we have to take
BABY STEPS!

I am incredibly impatient. Although we have a very busy life, and 5 busy children...I feel very impatient. I want to snap my fingers like Mary Poppins and have the house clean itself...

I want to twitch my nose and rewind the attitude my 9 year old is giving me and have her redo it with grace and manners...

I want to close my eyes and open them to find my to do list...done!

I want to put my running shoes on for the first time in 2 months and run a 10k and feel fantastic!

I want to have a baby and go home and put on my pre-pregnancy pants...

When you are impatient its usually to mask something. A desire that is good partnered with a fear or anxiety that is bad.

What is the good? I want a clean and orderly house, I want my children to have good manners, I want to have time to do the little things I enjoy, I want to be fit & healthy, I want to feel beautiful inside and out...

What is the bad...I am afraid of losing control and the house imploding, I am afraid my daughter will grow up rude and entitled, I am afraid I will never have time to do things I enjoy, I am afraid to take the time to train for the race...what if I fail...what if I never get my figure back?

WOW...pretty complicate stuff? So then I take out my stack of self help books....
I put my coffee cup on top of them and use them as a coaster... ( I don't need to help myself...that is what starts the whole mess)

Instead...I close my eyes and I say...
"Lord what is really going on?"

Then (holding back the urge to answer my own question...) I wait.....for the TRUTH....

Sometimes whispered in our hearts, sometimes popped in our mind through the words someone had shared with us, or....

sometimes walking towards me in his adorable excitement as he crosses the room smiling at his accomplishments taking Baby steps...

Baby Steps...

First Listen and hear the truth...You are loved, You are safe, You are worthy, You are gift...
then
Believe, Thank, and Enjoy this moment of grace....

Finally....

Ask for help to clean and organize the house...and be satisfied that at times it will not be perfect because it is lived in...

Take a deep breath , ask for the grace and check yourself, then you will be teaching your little ones and trust in your love for them...

Open your eyes..make a reasonable to do list...only 5 things you have to do....(dinner, dishes, laundry, a chore) and then make 2 for fun....(play with the kids a board game...build with leggos...watch a movie with the hubs)

Stick with a program...train reasonably, join an accountability group, run with a buddy, share your successes and struggles...FINISH THE RACE...

Look at your little one...that is a LIFE...YOU DID THAT (with some supernatural help!) Hold onto that baby and be patient as your body heals and you nourish this new life...you are beautiful as you are...and every time you go through this you don't return back to the way you were physically or spiritually...you are stronger and more beautiful!!!

In order to let the healing take place it takes BABY steps...and take joy in them...

Its fine to challenge yourself....but work hard to accomplish the challenge...and find a support to lean on and tell you GREAT JOB!

Can you imagine if when my baby took his first 4 steps and we all cheered he looked at us and said "why are you cheering? I only made it 4 steps...you guys walk all over the place?"

"Be Not Afraid"....

Surrender the Lie...

Ask for the Truth....

Embrace it & Be Embraced...

Share it...

And watch yourself do great things!

Letting the infection out...

This past week my beautiful 7 year old was not herself....she was quite the grump to be around...lots of yelling and frustration...and no explanation...yet.
After a time out and cool down she and I gathered to have a little chat...and I noticed something on her ear...behind her beautiful piercing was a knot both the size and color of a blueberry....not what you want to see!
Being the strong stomached mother that I am (I say that jokingly) I calmly took her to the bathroom, removed the earring, and attempted to clean it....
Not to my surprise she screamed...she cried...and the puss drained and drained....
After a call to the Dr....I packed all 5 kiddos in the car and headed over so she could check it out...with 2 nurses and her mama holding her down they drained and cleaned the infection as she screamed so loud Courtney could probably hear in West Cincy...


With popsicle in had and 5 stickers we headed home...and she said..."Mommy, why does it have to hurt before it gets better?"

This may seem like such a simple question...but at that moment I felt a pat on my shoulder...that I call the Holy Spirit and I felt a stirring within and I realized something....We have to let the infection out...

Many times we set goals, we have dreams, we want to achieve great things, or sometimes just make it through the day. Yet, if we are running from something as we try, we will run into a problem. Our hurts, our struggles, our fears will affect us. Our actions will not be sincere, and our victory will not be enjoyed if we are not free first.

Freedom comes from letting the infection out....
Sometimes screaming...
Sometimes Crying...
Sometimes both....

But the truth is we are not alone...There is a Divine Physician with very gentle hands and a loving Mother who holds us close and whispers encouragement in our ears.

Its amazing the big lessons I learn in the little moments of grace that I am given in my ordinary life. This is one I felt I needed to share.

Whatever your goals & dream are...go after them...FREELY

Find Freedom and live in it! Claim it! Embrace it! and know you are NOT alone, and you are LOVED!

I pray this day for those burdened to be lifted through the love and grace that is waiting for them...just ask!

You can run one hundred marathons...but if you are bound by perfectionism will you be satisfied?
You can clean your house immaculately...but when little feet track in mud is your peace lost?
You can fit in the smallest sized pants in the store....but when you look in the mirror...do you see beauty or longing?

These are some on the symptoms of infection....

What do we do now? That a whole other post....

Take some time...pray about it....listen to that tap on your shoulder....

Why?

Why? As a mom it is a question asked a lot! "Because" is the answer often given...

 So when I ask myself that question...I have to pause and ask... What is my "Because?"  It's not because I said so, sometimes it's because I have to, but it is so much more than that...

It's Grace, yes of course it is! But why? Why do I run around all day?(besides the fact that I have 5 kids!) 

Why to I incorporate prayer? 

Why do I strive to eat and prepare healthy meals? 

Why do I try to teach my children virtue and morals? 

Why do I strive to be a better wife, a better mom... 

Why do I exercise? Why do I try to be organized?

The list goes on...what is my WHY?

Because I desire freedom...from....

Perfectionism, self criticism, fear, anxiety,doubt...the list goes on...

And by getting up from the multiple times I fall, 

by saying I am sorry the multiple times I fail, 

by pushing forward to the goal set before me each day...

 I become more free...

God has chosen this life for me, I have submitted to trust in him... And so far his generosity is overwhelming... My amazing husband who is an Ephesians 5 man....my beautiful children who love me unconditionally... My family and friends...

Just to name a few if His gifts...

So this journey is one of Surrender... Letting go of control, in order to be led to the place where the Truth speaks louder than the lie...

One step at a time, one day at a time. Embracing the grace of every minute. Digging deep to humbly say thank you. 

The freedom is found in accepting we are a gift. We don't have to worry about loving ourselves, because are already loved. We were loved first...that is why we are here...

So what now?

Now we speak the why in our hearts, we push on, we set goals, we challenge ourselves, we lean on one another and eventually we finish the race...

Welcome to our race!

This blog is dedicated to sharing our training to finish the race. Sometimes in physically training for a race, sometimes in completing a challenge, sometimes in digging deeper as a family and learning how to love more deeply. Whatever the challenge...its an opportunity to grow and learn. The spiritual and physical life is very connected...just look at how we are made :)  This is why we started this journey and this is what we hope to share with you. 

O