Stuck

Do you ever feel stuck? 

I remember as a kid I shoved my finger in the slot of a piggy bank. Panic took over...I was so scared. I screamed and panicked...and I knew it would hurt to get it off, but It would hurt worse to leave it on. 

Stuck...

Life gets us stuck sometimes. Mentally we get stuck and feel like we are running in place making very little progress. 

Physically we get stuck...we hit a plateau in reaching our goals. The scale doesn't move...the pants don't button and we feel frustrated that what we are doing isn't working. 

Spiritually we get stuck. We don't feel God. We don't hear Him and we question what we are doing wrong...

Nutritionally we get stuck. We eat the same old same old and we are tired of it. 

Tired and stuck...

Ever feel that way?

Here is a clue if you are stuck...

If you want something different you have to do something different...

So what do you do?

1. Change your surroundings...if mentally you are stuck take some time to leave your house...your cubical...your hiding spot (no I don't hide from my kids ...)

And change your visual. Go outside...take a short walk...breath in the air...turn off the tape and refocus on what us around you that is good. Read Personal Development...feed the negative something positive...it helps, I promise. 

2. Change your routine...try a different form of exercise. Switch it up a bit...ever thought if running? Give it a try... Tired of that same DVD... Get a new one...treat yourself to a new exercise shirt... Get new shoes...get a workout buddy...try Zumba... You need to challenge yourself to do new things. And your body needs it too otherwise it gets too comfortable :)

3. Spiritually stuck? Journal. Take some quiet time. Write down how you feel stuck. Cry out to Him.  Put on some music that moves you to God. Read a story about someone who has been there...Mother Theresa for example...we get stuck because we are holding a lot in...it builds up like ear wax and we can't hear Him...

So take a spiritual q-tip (pen) and clean it out (write it down). Or share with someone...

4. Try something new to eat....change your pallet. Look up some fun recipes. Follow blogs that inspire you. Pin things you can actually cook. Clean it up a bit. Get in a clean eating group ...(um just ask me...) and try one new thing each week...and celebrate it. 

One thing all these suggestions require...

Stepping Out of your Comfort Zone....

That us where healing happens...taking my finger out if that Piggy Bank did hurt...but it healed and I learned from it. To leave it there would have cut off circulation and hurt me more than removing it. 

Sometimes to step out of your comfort zone you need a hand...someone to help you...find that person. Don't do it alone. Do you need someone. Just Reach out...I am here :)

But don't stay stuck...it's no fun...we have all been there...multiple times. (I have multiple t-shirts) but I keep stepping out...and enjoying the Freedom that comes!!!

The Antidote to Fear

Fear...

It paralyzes. 

It keeps us from change. 

It holds us back. 

It freezes us in a dark place. 

It hits us at the times when we are closest to progress. 

It's part of perfectionism. That lie that says we are not good enough. It hits us in our weakness. It attacks is in our strengths...

Why? Why? Why?

Because you are made for FREEDOM...you have great worth...you are loved beyond measure...you are NEVER forgotten. 

Do we fall? Yes! 

But so did Christ under the heaviest of weights. He listened to and heard all the lies that we hear whispered on a daily basis while he walked Calvary...

He fell, he struggled, he prayed the night before...he sweat blood in agony because he knew what lay ahead of him. So how does this relate to you?

He did this so YOU could find Freedom. He fights the ugly battle. He won the war. He battled the biggest lie that you can imagine. He faught it...and he won!

So what us the antidote to fear? Gratitude. Saying thank you. Thank you for his love for us. Thank you for the daily battle that forces us to lean on his love. Thank you for our weaknesses where he can truly shine his love and presence. Thankfulness for the victories that we have DAILY, but often miss.

Gratitude lets LOVE shine through. Today  that LOVE paid the ultimate price because YOU are worth it. So today...embrace the antidote to FEAR...have Gratitude and the LOVE himself will embrace you. 

Let it go...

The very popular song from Disneys FROZEN...

It's funny to hear my children belt out about " the past is in the past" considering how brief of a past that they have. It's brilliant though how this song reaches to the core of so many. To let it go...to be FREE...to be yourself as you are. 

This song is stuck in my head...partially because my daughters are constantly singing it...partially because EVERYONES daughters are singing it...and also because it stirs in a part if me that wants to continue to let it go...

Let go of the negative tape that I still battle daily...

Let go of my mistakes that sometimes when I think about make my stomach turn...

Let go if the fear of the unknown in my future...

Let go of control...

Let go of perfectionism...

BUT to wall myself up in an ice castle is NOT the answer... So the truth to me behind the power of this song is that we all desire to let it go...but when we simply hold onto it...bury it...build up walls around us to protect us we allow the very fears we have to imprison us...

This applies to every part of our life. As a mom. A wife. A friend. A fitness coach. A daughter of the King :)

It's something most of us carry around. Walking wounded. 

I love that in this movie the only way she truly experiences the freedom and is able to let things go is through the experience of true love...the gift if self...

Then she is free...because she is no longer defined by her struggle, her fear , her lie...she is just loved. 

Isn't that what we all want...to not be rejected? To be loved? To be called out from our locked doors and ice palaces to a place of freedom? To find healing in the love of another. To find freedom. 

So as this song continues to run through my head I do release these fears. I let them go...hand them over...name them and ask for the love that inoculates the lie...the support that carries me through. I pray the same for you! 

Yes leave it to me to process deep thoughts from Disney! But as I continue my journey in healing and I reach out to help others I am blown away at the Battles we wage in our minds and hearts...and how simple steps and support and love can take us from being a prisoner of the lie to FREEDOM as the GIFT!!!

Letting Go...

It's time to let go... To unplug & to trust.

The time is here to know that all is well.

It's time to let go... To breathe & receive 

The blessings being outed out upon us.

It's time to let go...to not fear, to not 

stress.

To believe that good things are happening all around.

To live each day in gratitude, with eyes open wide.

To receive , to love, to thank to bless...

Set Sail...

Is this really happening? Am I actually going on a cruise? Pinch me if I'm sleeping (or don't...do I actually want to wake up?). 

In 4 days I depart for Florida...then I set sail on Monday on a cruise ship loaded with Beach Body coaches....seriously awesome!

A year ago I was just trying to figure out the day to day...I was just trying to focus on warming up, planting, and doing my daily routine...

Today I am doing the same daily routine...but with an extra pep in my step as well as tug at my heart...

The pep comes from the blessings that have come through the opportunity to serve others as their coach, to meet others that I never would have met...and to learn so much from them about more than just fitness...about life. 

The pep comes from the generosity of my Coach...taking me as her guest on this cruise...and from The Lord who continues to teach my heart more and more about trusting him, relying in him, and thanking him for his many blessings...

Of course I am thankful for this trip! But also for the friendships forming...for the ways he is changing and stretching my heart in the day to day...the appreciation for my husband and all he does to sacrifice and support my family. Thankfulness for my children, the beautiful blessing they are that make each day full....I would never want it any other way! The thankfulness in my friends who are excited and support me and dress me :) for this special occasion. 

There is also a tug at my heart. To let go...to leave my family for a week. To let go of control. To let go and trust and believe and rely on my husband 100%. My friends and family 100%. To rely on this grace will stretch me to find greater reliance on The Lord, greater respect and love for my Husband , greater love and respect for my children and greater love and respect for my team...

By leaving The Lord is revealing to me how much he cares and how much he takes care of...

It's NOT all about me...it's about the Freedom that comes from setting sail...

So here I go! I'm off the grid! Please pray for me! I will share when I return! Pray for the hubs and kids...especially the hubs! See you soon!

Don't Run away...run to...

I am afraid of running....

One if the biggest fears and insecurities I faced happened 3 years ago when I started running...

I know, most people are afraid of water, or snakes, or the dark....because of the unknown, the danger, the lack of control...But running?

It's a fear rooted in insecurity. It's a fear rooted in the fear if failure...fear of pain....fear of the unknown.

My excuse in New Orleans was that it was too hot...to muggy...I'm too busy.

So why did I start? Because deep down I really wanted to run...I really wanted to face the fear. I saw others do it and was inspired...but could I do it?

I decided when we moved to Cincinnati that I needed to start. My hubs took me to the running store, got me some awesome shoes...I got home and took off..one  mile!!!! I was so excited...so tired...so sore! Lol!

Then I started to build...little by little and conquer the fear.  Face the discomfort. And what did I love the most? How I felt when I finished. During that run I ran towards my goal. I ran towards my fear. I conquered that distance, and I talked out in my head all the things that hurt, all the lies I was believing, the pain and desire to quit... I pushed and pushed. 

From time to time I struggled. I didn't get out like I wanted because of the weather. Or I started to compare myself to others who were faster, in better shape, and could run farther. 

The hardest part was getting me out the door...I would get so nervous...I would be super snappy and cranky because that fear of failure would well up inside...

"It's going to be hard". " you can't do it". " you will never reach you goal" " why bother" " the kids need you" "your too slow". The list goes on...

To not push myself out the door is another type if run...it's a mental run. It's training my mind to run away from the things I want to do. The things I need to do. The things I'm called to do. 

Thankfully I have a wonderful hubby that knows this about me. He know how to push me. To talk me out of my tantrum. That way when I decide to run... I am running towards the goal...not away from anything....

What are you afraid of? What are you running from? I challenge you to take a step out of your comfort zone and run towards the freedom that awaits you at your finish line. 

You are not me...you are called to something meant for you...you know what it is ...seek it in your heart...Run Towards it !!! Not away from it! 

Please know as I train in these upcoming weeks for my half marathon I will lift you up...your fears...your needs...just share them and considered them prayed for! Please pray for me as I train and face this day by day, run by run!

Into the desert

The desert does not seem like an inviting  place. It seems dry, lonely...deadly. Dangerous and scary. Why would we use that image for Lent. Why are we invited into the desert? 

Every year around Lent my soul struggles. It hits me off guard each year like a fresh scraped knee. You would think I would have an alarm go off to remind me that this time of year is hard...but I don't. 

Possibly because of the busy life I lead. 

So I find myself always in the weeks leading up to Lent struggling with a storm inside. It's my emotional memory revving up.

How can you tell? I am not as social. I stay home more. I get behind in my responsibilities. I have less patience. I question everything. I lose my temper more....

Most if this I hide well (until now) because I know the lie that I am alone is just that...a lie. 

So why this Lent am I running to the desert...because that is where it is quiet enough to hear The Lord. Only he can speak truth to my lies...only he can offer healing to my wound...only he can quench my thirst...only he. 

The world offers a bandaid. The Lord offers the remedy. 

All the aspects of our life can be aligned with this quest for healing. ( prayer, friendships, work, exercise, food, parenting, optional wounds) the things we do, if done with The Lord as the foundation can guide us closer to His heart. 

  But we have to take the time first to align them. To surrender. To deny ourselves a bit so that our thirst for God becomes so great that we will stop at nothing to drink that living water. 

He is here to meet you where you are at. He meets me in this similar sad place each year...this year though I am asking for a deeper healing so that once Lent is through I can have a greater experience if the joy of the resurrection. 

Don't give up! Don't fear the desert. You are not alone! Know I will pray for you this Lent. Please pray for me as well. 

Gentle giant turns 6

We had a big birthday in the house yesterday!!! Jeremiah turned 6 and was surrounded by all things J!!! He woke us up at 3 am.... Ready to party. The funny thing is that he was born at 3 am. ;) here are some pictures if our day ! Thank you for all the calls, cards, & prayers!

Hide and seek

I never really liked hide and seek... I was always afraid noone would want to find me...pretty sad, but true. One of the big root lies I have battled with in my life is that I am forgettable...

Maybe that's why I like the Nat King Cole song so much... Because the day I discovered this was not the truth was a truly freeing moment to me...

So why am I sharing this? Because as a mom, as a wife, as a person we spend much of our day doing ordinary, mundane things...or if you are me you spend the day procrastinating them! 

Laundry, vacuuming, wiping down fingerprint covered walls...planning meals, thinking about friends you wish you could see...all of this takes place, but who notices? Does it matter? 

Does it matter if you eat right...no one notices anyway? Does it matter is you exercise? No one will notice...if I clean up this Barbie doll accessory explosion... Will anyone care?

The short answer... Yes!

The longer answer Yes! 

So why don't we feel it? For me it's my root lie...it was whispered to me as a child in a broken moment...

for you it could have happened somewhere else.

We often spend our life trying to convince this lie it's not true... But the truth is you CANT convince a lie it's not true...

WHAT?

Yes you can't...

So what do you do? You reject it, instead of letting it reject you! You renounce it by accepting the truth...you replace it with the truth...

SURRENDER...

The hardest part about this? For me personally it's letting the lie go. We get comfortable with it...it's a great scape goat when we struggle...

But you were made for more... You were made for freedom... We were not created to be slaves, but to be free! As it says in scripture...where the Spirit of The Lord is... There is Freedom...

And you may be broken. You may have lived your life believing a lie. But you are NOT forgettable, replaceable, or invisible. 

One day in the Kitchen after cleaning the millionth toy explosion of the day I yelled out.."does anyone see or care what I do?" 

And in the small quiet inner chamber of my heart I heard a small voice say in a big way. "I do" " I see you". 

That day I realized I am not forgettable...because the fact that I walk, live , breath, and love is because I am remembered every moment and loved ...

Do I live this perfectly... Sadly , no. But I'm a fighter... And I have hope... Which I want to share with you...

So if this is something you struggle with... If you want to know you are loved and remembered...than I am here to tell you today...

You are!!!!!

What you do matters...who you are matters...how you love matters.... So do the best you can... And strive for Freedom!

Old Mirrors

How many of you love mirrors in a dressing room? How many of you have looked at your reflection and loathed what you saw... a wrinkle, a blemish, a stretch mark, etc.... The list can go on. How many wish they could look in the mirror and be thankful for their reflection? How many are afraid of that freedom?

It's the start if the new year...time for resolutions.  You know, the wishes we make for things that we think will fix everything and make us happy.  To lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, pray more, yell less...

(ok...so now that you know mine, LOL )

These are all great ideals...and all possible. But first we must look past the dressing room mirror...turn off the negative tape...and seek the truth about who we are so that our resolutions lead us to a greater freedom...not a greater feeling of defeat if we are not perfect. 

This past Christmas I was incredibly blessed to receive a very generous gift from the founding coach of Team Courage...the big team of coaches that I am blessed and honored to be a part of. The crazy and funny part about it is that I have discovered the greatest part of the blessing was not the $ given (although that was tremendous and helpful), but rather the affirmation that came from someone I look to as an example to me if a loving wife, mother, and coach who is passionately set in changing lives...and on that day she helped change mine. 

The amazing thing is that she is one if many beautiful women and men who I have watched teach others how to find freedom, face challenges, and overcome obstacles. Not through a magic formula, not a miracle pill or plan, but through affirming gifts and encouraging others to pushing past their comfort zone.

My coach stepped out of her comfort zone a little over a year ago and it changed my life. It challenged me to look past the mirror, to listen for the truth found in the affirmation of others, and to reject the lies we have been told about ourselves, or the ones we tell ourselves daily...

What she has shown inspired me to step out...to begin my journey... To conquer my addictions to food and my hatred of my body... I truly have embraced great freedom this past year in regards to eating and feeling good in my own skin.

But something is up... There is still some junk there to clean out...

So today I am going to step out of my comfort zone big time...not looking for a pity party...I'm not looking back with regrets...but I am looking back...searching within to find the source of the lies that still creep in. 

Because the truth is affirmation and support are incredible gifts...but our truth and worth lie even deeper than that...and in order to truly embrace that truth we have to clean house :). Purge the lies, heal the wounds, and make room for the light. And we CANT do this alone. 

I can tell myself 100 times a day..."you are a good wife and mom", my husband can do the same...but if I'm not connected to the source that provides the grace to do that...then I might say it but I won't believe it! Why? For the same

 reason we struggle with anything...

We can't put our trust in earthly things...because our bodies are a vessel that carries a precious soul. 

We are supposed to nourish both...so these next 90 days as I conquer p90x3 and try to tone up and get healthy physically...I am also going on a journey to tone up and get healthy mentally and spiritually! 

Not alone... 
With the support of my husband  & family. 
With the kindness and guidance of friends, priests, and wise teachers to guide...
The accountability and support of my challenge groups to keep going...and their stories to inspire me...

I have dealt with many things in my life, but if I want to help others find the true freedom in knowing and believing you are loved...I need to continue to seek it myself.

And as I do this I would like to share my journey with you. The things I learn along the way...so that you can hopefully be inspired to dig deep on the inside and find that freedom too!

There is no shame in bringing our wounds to the light...for it is there that they can be healed...not in the darkness!

And in the meantime the affirmation , encouragement, and support if those around us help carry us through until we find that place, that Grace, that deeper relationship with our Creator where we tune in...quiet down...hear the truth...and live in it. Join me on this journey...step out if your comfort zone...what's lurking inside that needs to come out?

Make a plan...

Find Support...

Smash that old mirror :)

A year ago...

It's hard to believe that a year ago the hubs and I decided to get Insanity as a Christmas gift to us...we were going to get in the best shape of our lives....I was going to fit into my clothes again...he was going to kickstart his training again...

The day it arrived, we ripped it open, put in the fit test and hit the ground running...literally...

Running, jumping, mountain climbing, switch kicking... And then for me throwing up...(I hope that wasn't too much information!)

So it was going to be harder than I thought... 

We traveled at Christmas and decided to start over in January...you know, New Years Resolutions?

I have to laugh now...because I remember the workouts with my kids on the floor doing mountain climbers with us...we looked insane! But we started a journey!

Today I look back and smile...as crazy as it was that was a stepping stone that got me moving in a great direction!

It's the holidays...the season of giving, of parties, of celebration. For me it has been a time of mixed emotion. 

Joy celebrated in my family. Little stresses carried from my past. All these things led to emotional eating, negative self thought, downward spiraling of stress...

January's resolutions were my chance to try again. But my inner perfectionist would never let enough be enough... 

Until I started...pushing myself past my comfort zone, asking myself why I wanted to change, praying for the grace to surrender the lies, and being ok with not always being ok. 

A year ago I was taking a big step that has gotten me here. Where is here?

Here is a place where I let myself be real when things are tough. 

Here is the place where "joy and sorrow can sit at the same table". 

Here is a place if healing and freedom especially with the emotional eating and negative self thought. 

Here is a place of healing in the present moment...

And it all started with insanity...not so much the program... Rather the idea...I was going to change my body so that I would feel better...

But the funny thing is my heart changed first... Because I let go of the fears, I found a support system that walks with me through the struggles, and I stepped out of my comfort zone to share with others in the hope that I might offer them the same opportunity to find freedom.

It's a daily surrender... Not to change who we are... Rather to let go if all our lies that others have told us, or that we have told ourselves...and find freedom in the truth. The truth in knowing we are a gift...our life is a gift ....and what we do with it is meant to be an offering to the giver...

Where are you in your journey? Are you trapped in the comfort zone? Are you afraid to step out? My prayer for you is that you take that step... You make that leap... That is where the freedom is!

It's time.....

It's time...
To slow down....there has been such a rush to get to Christmas....to get the day here....and NO this is not bad at all...because what we are waiting to celebrate is a fantastic event! A Birthday that forever changed the world....A day where families travel and gather and embrace one another...a morning when children rush to see what surprises await them....a great day...
But what do we do until then...how do we wait? How are we to enjoy the days that lead up to Christmas? How are we to be patient?
For some it's a tough time...a time of seasonal blues...a time a sad memories....or stressful emotional memories...so the holidays becomes time of anxiety and depression...a time of loneliness....this is so sad to hear...
But honestly of we don't slow down we can all be there....rushing through....and then the let down when it's over....
So what do we do?

It's time....
Time to give thanks....gratitude is not just a virtue for Thanksgiving....it's a virtue of the season....if we give thanks...if we inhale the beauty of the moments and hold it in...savor the taste in our memory a little while then we can find the place inside that slows down and enjoys the present moment....
We tend to rush....now it's time to be patient...yes even in the midst of all the parties, present shopping, decorating, packing, traveling, card addressing, baking, etc.....
Just making that list made my heart race!

It's time to GIVE...not just presents....give more love, more hope, more peace, more forgiveness, mores time....to our families, to our friends...most importantly to our creator....

How will we do this?

How will you do this?

What is your plan....what will lead you up to Christmas? What will fill you will enough joy to start out 2014 with joy & hope rather than a list of negatives to improve?

When we got married I remember registering for gifts...and one day we met with the priest and he said....what do you want as a wedding gift from God? What blessing do you want?

What gift do you need that can't be bought in the store? Ask for that...wait for that...prepare your heart for that...whatever it is....health, healing, peace, love, joy....freedom....

It is time to wait, to ask....and to prepare to receive the greatest gift of all...Love Incarnate....on December 25th....

Don't wait for it....start now...it is time to slow down...to prepare...to savor...to enjoy!

Starting over...

I somewhat agree with this quote... But I wanted to take a moment to clarify the difference from starting new and starting over! I think that the way we see our mistakes and choices greatly affects the way we see our success & victory!

So I have to confess... I did it! Guilty as charged! I enjoyed the turkey and sweet potatoes! The chocolate pecan pie and magic cookie bars!  The leftovers...

I enjoyed them all! I fell off the workout wagon... I did exercise! But not as much as I would have liked...

I didn't drink enough water... Or say no to seconds...

I'm guilty... My tummy feels it...but guess what...

I am not starting over!

What?

Yes I am not starting over.... Ok so does this mean I quit? NO!

It means that I fell off the path and now I am getting back in track. I don't have to go back to start. This isn't a game of sorry where I am bumped out of place and have to start over... Because thankfully I have been working hard these past 6 months to make life long lasting change... And so I am continuing my journey... Not starting over. 

Do you see the difference? Starting over is for those who quit and undo all their progress... You cant do that in one long weekend.... 

Yes you can do some damage ;) but you can't completely debunk how far you have come! So start new... Yes. Start over No... At least not from the beginning...

Because you are in a different place... You are moving forward!

Now we can either allow this to cause a spiral... Or we can make a plan...

.I need a plan. A realistic plan or else I can end up falling off the wagon a lot in the upcoming days...so what's the plan? Stay tuned! I will share a survive & enjoy the holidays post soon! Have a Blessed day!

Be Foolish...

What? Be foolish? Yes that is exactly what I said... Maybe I should clarify what I mean!

This past weekend I was blessed to attend an event we hold here in Cincy called Encounter. It is an opportunity for the Youth to come and worship God with  dynamic speakers & pretty great music :). 

Last night in the midst of many blessings one of our leaders, a seminarian Ethan shared a powerful challenge. When Christ called Peter to step out onto the water...Peter said in faith... Command me Lord & I will do it...

To anyone in our current time, whenever we are challenged to grow, to step out in faith there is a fear that holds us back...we don't want to look like a fool. 

We doubt, we sink as Peter began to... And often when we sink we focus in the failure...and feel ashamed, defeated, embarrassed... We feel foolish. 

I have to confess, I really struggle with this. I don't want to be seen as a fool, as crazy... And in our world being a happily married woman of 5 children....sometimes I feel foolish. Because I sink, when I loose my patience with my children. When I get frustrated with my husband. When I overbook my days and can't keep up with my housework. When it's 4:30 and I have no idea what is for dinner. When my daughter brings home a bad grade. When my son decides to do his business outside of church. When things don't look pretty...I feel foolish. 

What happens when we give into that feeling? Pride creeps in and we try to be our own savior. We try to fix the "problem". We parent from our insecurity. We speak to our spouse out of our insecurity and fear. We tear ourselves up on the inside. 

Then we build a wall around our heart. A cocoon to protect us from what everyone thinks. And the funny thing is that usually the only one thinking all these negative and shameful thoughts... Is us. 

So what do we do? We are sinking. What do we do? We are suffocating? How do we breathe? 

Look at Peter. The king of foot in mouth. The one The Lord chose to lead. The one The Lord praised and then called Satan...the one who sank. What does he do? 

"Lord Command me and I will come"...he asks The Lord to call him, he steps out in faith, he begins to sink, he cries for help... And The Lord does not rebuke...he reaches out to him...he lifts him up...

I need to ask The Lord to command me... To help me...to lead me...to guide me. To align my will with his... To let go of my fear. To be a fool for Christ...rather than feel foolish in my shame!

There is freedom in this surrender. And last night I experienced such a freedom. The Lord calls us to greatness...he calls us to humility. He calls us to see the things that shame tells us are failures and instead ask him to meet us in the midst of that sinking moment...and lift us up. 

So I ask you to consider...where do you need to be lifted up? Where in your life do you need to call out to Christ. Don't 

Be afraid...he is waiting...

The scariest part of Halloween...

The vampires and witches are not what scares me most about Halloween...

I currently am preparing for the loads of sweets that are about to be dumped in the arms of my children...

I am currently preparing for the sugar high...coma from the feeding frenzy of my 3 year old who eats one of every candy from the home he visits this upcoming Thursday...

I am also prepping for the "candy inspection" that usually leads to a mommy sugar coma/belly ache :)

But it's ok... 

baby steps...(a favorite phrase of a friend and fellow coach)

This year we are going to keep a little and give the rest...

I'm not going to see the sugar coma as a failure...

I'm not going to inspect by tasting everything I see...

I'm not afraid pf you twix bars, m & ms and Hershey special dark (well maybe the special dark !)

Baby steps means letting go, picking your battles and finding freedom in enjoying the moment... Not by out of control Cookie Monster feeding frenzies!  But rather moderation...

This may sound ridiculous... But I actually had absolutely no control when it came to sweets growing up.  They were either not in the house... Or they came & vanished within 24 hrs as I gobbled them up.

 Then the guilt and sickness that followed... Led to self loathing and frustration... I felt powerless....

But I have made baby steps...

I am learning my limits...

When I slip I get up and make a new plan...

I don't want powerlessness... So I will surrender my need to control... And ask for the grace to be free...

And my hope is to pass this legacy if freedom to my children....

To not fear the Candy :) or whatever it is they struggle with in life. 

As silly as this may sound I wanted to share, hoping perhaps there is at least one other parent who struggles with this...

And ask that we pray for one another...lift one another up...

Have a blessed All Hallows' Eve, and happy All Saints Day!

Seasonal Rush...

Tis the season for the stores to jump the gun & overemphasize the need for stuff...

Halloween Candy out after the Back to school supply shopping is done...Thanksgiving out at Labor Day...and Christmas out in October... 

No wonder we feel rushed....this time of year is beautiful...leaves changing, the weather is cooler...darker earlier(easy bedtime for kiddos!). But it is often a stressful time...because of the Rush..... Tonight at dinner my daughter said..."Wow mom, you eat really fast"... And looking down at my empty plate trying to remember what dinner tasted like, I thought "your right".... Followed by 100 reasons why I don't take my time (Actually 5 main ones...ranging in age from 1-9). 

Then my 5 year old said..."no, mommy just likes to eat a lot...all of the time..." Which took me out of defense mode into the present moment to smile at my Son.... Why am I writing this?

 Because I realized I don't want to miss the taste of fall. I don't want to scarf down the holidays and merely survive. I don't want to fly through another school year....I want to savor the moment. There will always be an excuse...if I were blah blah blah...then I could blah blah blah.... 

What there needs to be is patience....with myself, with the process of life, with my children,with my goals....I want to be the wife and mother that doesn't miss a thing...but I've already missed stuff. I want to be the woman who has strong faith...but at times I doubt. I want to be the friend that is always there with the right thing to say...but at times I am not... 

But what I really want more than all these things is to know I am ok, that things are ok, and that things will be ok....

 I cannot gain this peace if I Rush the process. I cannot grow in confidence and trust if I am stuck looking back at the times I have fallen short. I will not truly love if I am looking into the future with fear. 

So what will I do? I will stop Rushing...and start Savoring the present moment. I will try to ignore the urge to push through thus season quickly to "get it over with" and I will walk one day at a time.Iwill let go and Forgive in order to make room for Gratitude. 

This is the season to give thanks, not to be thankful it's over. To enjoy, not dread. To be blessed, not to be fearful...

So how will I do this....with Grace...one bite at a time!

Please share how you are going to fight seasonal rush...

Letting go...

I want control... 

I want my 3 year old to say " yes mommy" and sit quietly through church along with my other 5 ducklings in the pew...

I want the urge to scream to slowly boil down into a Mary Poppins tone where I lovingly teach my children the proper way to keep their stuff off the floor...

I want to look at that bag of chips at 12 am  and say no... Or just one please and feel satisfied... 

I want to have a clean and orderly home with healthy and respectful children and smile when my husband comes home and laugh about his day and mine...

I want to not have the urge at hobby lobby and target and pottery barn and anthropologie to have everything in the store...

I want to be satisfied... And non of these things alone will...and no my days are not pure chaos (close sometimes) and no, things are not bad, food is not bad, even strong emotions are not bad...

But at the root it's not about that. It's about security that this world cannot offer... We are made for more... We need to believe that and live like it!

I want to have peace about my children and the struggles they face in school, sports, and life. 

I want peace, patience, joy...you know all those gifts of the Holy Spirit that I need to unwrap....

I want to be in control... And the more I try, the more I lose...

So I'm starting over. I am making a plan. I am letting to...

Daily I am making a morning offering to surrender control, to tell God what I am clinching to, to lay it down, to slowly walk away from it....

And I thought I would offer this to you as a challenge...join me...

Prayers please.

Our biggest little man has surgery on Monday and will be receiving anesthesia.... Please keep he, the dr. And us in prayer! Thank you!

It's just hard...

The comparison trap...

It's just hard... I want to have this "I can't wait to workout" attitude, but some days I don't know how I'm going to fit it in? I would like to breeze through T25 or run 7 miles at an 8 minute pace, or eat a whole pizza and not feel sick. Or devour a whole pint (gallon) of coffee ice cream and still fit in my jeans:) or make it through the day and have the laundry all washed and folded, dinner made, homework done, and quietly sit around and play a family board game with no fighting finished by the family rosary where we all are focused and reverent...

(Can you hear the violin?)

I see my husband power through 10 Miles as I struggle to make 3... And I want to quite. Because sometimes it's just hard! I see friends talk so patiently and lovingly to their children and I think " man I need to be more like that!"

But I am learning...

And in learning something new...a new hurdle to jump, a new fear to face, a new habit to form...we need an approach...

Virtue is a habitual disposition to do the good ( I see the theology degree is helping me a bit here!)

Here are a few that I am currently working on...

Discipline 

To discipline is not to hammer with insults to motivate change, it's not to set strict rules that are impossible to keep. It's not to beat yourself up when you fall. 

Discipline is to teach, to learn. I can't just naturally go out and run a half marathon at a 9 minute pace. I need to train I need to learn. I need to reach out and ask for help.

I can't say I will never eat ice cream or take a pill to make me not want it or worse eat diet ice cream in large quantities because that's so much better!

 But I can teach myself to eat what my body really needs. 

Identify that sometimes my craving is more emotional than physical. And I can slow down and enjoy my treat guilt free because I am embracing and learning the virtue of moderation. 

I can't look at a number or the scale, or the size on a pant and measure my worth based on how it fits... Nor can I let those thoughts of comparison with other women motivate me to exercise or eat... Because that is objectifying them, and devaluing me. 

But I can embrace who I am, where I am and recognize where I've been, and where I would like to be... And ask for guidance to learn how to reach my goals without verbally abusing myself in my head. Or physically through what I put in my body. This is the virtue of Temperance.  

And I can try to do this in just 30 days, like the magazine says when it flashes an airbrushed picture of some celebrity smiling because they dropped 10 dress sizes in one week. Or I can push that lie to the side and embrace patience, because what I gain internally as I learn, and work, and pray is far greater than what I lose on the outside. When you take your time...The external changes are a greater indication of the internal victory going on. 

It's hard, but it's worth it. It takes time. And we all fall. But we were made for community. We were made to lift one another. Disciple one another. Surrendering to the Creator, embracing where we are, and asking for the grace to form the virtue. 

Today I am praying for patience, with myself, with my children, with my husband, with the world. 

There is however an amazing Detox program called Grace...it costs nothing...and your commitment is baby steps...get up when you fall, be open about your heart, and be ready to be filled, and leave your expectations at the door... Because what The Lord has planned is far greater. 

So I challenge you to write down some goals, wrote down your excuses.... And identify what you need to detox from. 

Reach out for accountability. And start taking those baby steps. Pray for the Grace... There is a hand waiting to hold yours as you step out and seek freedom & truth!

 

Chapter one...

About 90 days ago we started our first BeachBody fitness challenge. If you had told us a year ago we would be doing this... I would have laughed...

Why?

I would have told you I have had 5 kids..

Courtney would have said he is too busy with work. 

We both would have told you that it wasn't for us...we had our own thing going on. 

You know... The occasional run, the attempt to eat well during the week spoiled by the weekend binges...The " I'll do it later" or " I'm older now, my body can't do that any more". 

I saw beach body as a company that promoted happiness with a six pack of abs... And a Brazilian butt lift :) (boy was I wrong!)

But thanks to the example & witness of two good friends involved in the challenge groups, programs, and business we said... What the heck... Lets give it a try...

After 30 days... I didn't see much change. Neither did Courtney. Not because it wasn't happening... More so because my negative self image has very much trained what my eyes see in the mirror... As well as the hubs... 

After days 60 I was excited to finish up the Les Mils combat set... And feel stronger... And see some improvements in tone... Which is exciting !

Now that day 90 has passed I am excited and so glad we stuck with the program...we are in much better shape...

I may be in the best shape if my life actually...but the greatest part for me is that my eyes are healing...  I look in the mirror less... Not more...because I am comfortable with myself! 

I went to the dr for a checkup a few weeks ago... I have had some pretty uncomfortable flare ups with my fibromyalgia on the past months... She asked me if I exercise...I told her at least 5-6 days a week... And she affirmed me that it's the best thing for my fibro! I'm so glad the habit has been established!

Courtney is approaching a half marathon in November and averaging a 7 1/2 min pace...he craves less, and feels better.

!We both enjoy good food, and desert... Without the weekend binge:)

I am so glad all my excuses didn't hold up. I  so glad to find a community that supports one another as they discover their why and write their story...

I am so glad the hubs jumped on the bandwagon to support me! 

I am so thankful to be helping others in their journey as well. 90 days does much more than get you "ripped".... If your only on it to look good you won't make it...

It's about the deeper need...the acceptance if where you are and where you want to be. The conquering of goals...the letting go of the negative...in a community of people all supporting one another...

90 days, 11.6 lbs, 16 inches later we are still going:) No excuses....this is just chapter one!